The "J" Report, Episode 1

"Would you like a new 'project?'" Mom queried craftily.

"What? I can't hear you!" I retorted knowing full well that I was just one very fine frog's hair from being suckered into another maternal scheme.

"Don't you want a new, little project (imagine big, wide Bambi eyes here)?" as she turned to me with her hand cupped concealingly about her waist.

"What is it?" I sighed.

And there he was, "J",...shocked, abandoned, staring wild-eyed. Yep, this little guy could have been no luckier than when he inadvertantly landed in our domain.

So, I carried my new charge home. We nestled him in, fed him up, stroked his shocky wee pate and pledged to do our best.

Morning found "J" plump, comfy and ready for some sustenance which I willingly and with some effort provided. "J" sat drooling parts of his breakfast onto me, making baby sounds of comfort and delight. As I watched him, those familiar maternal feelings washed through me and I felt truly content. He jumped and jived for a moment finding his feet and then gave a little waggle that made me snort, and then that waggle turned insistent, intense even, and out from "J"'s bottom came the biggest fecal extrusion I have seen come from such a small orifice in quite some time. " J," I exclaimed, "that was as big as your own head....YEOUCH!" Well, when you can watch an orphan perform a feat like that, you just have to love him.

I left "J" snuggled up, sated and rectally devoid knowing he would be safe at my house while I accomplished my tasks for the day. Several hours later I returned to find no "J" where he should be, where I left him. My heart skipped and dervished. Crap, where is "J"? I hope the dogs have acted with courtesy about "J" escaping. And so my search began for the missing "J". Directly, I found him scrunched up in the middle of the Pakistani rug in the living room, seemingly unharmed but fazed.

I returned him to his familiar surroundings and tried to get some food into him all the while reassuring him, but he was quite distraught. He refused my nourishing offerings and was laboring for breath. I became concerned. Before I went all panicky and frothy, I took some deep breaths and counseled my inner voice. In those few brief therapeutic moments, my internal guide answered and I knew it was the right thing.

To Be Continued...